Boundaries & Mom Guilt - Business Savvy Mama Podcast

How to Create Boundaries Without Mom Guilt

Mom guilt wreaks havoc on the mindset of mompreneurs…

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Ever put boundaries in place to protect your time and energy only to find that stupid mom guilt rears its ugly head and wrecks your plans? Yeah, me too. That’s why today we are discussing how you can create strong boundaries and ditch the mom guilt.

Do you ever say “yes” then resent saying “yes” because it means you’re making a sacrifice? Feel like you’re always doing but never for yourself? Would you like to feel like you control your schedule? Enjoy the activities you participate in? Or want to spend time with family instead of feeling like it’s out of obligation? Then you need to create some boundaries. And we’re going to talk about how you can do it without feeling mom guilt. Or wife guilt. Or any number of other guilts you feel when you put yourself first.

Establishing clear boundaries allows you to identify and communicate where you draw the line, how much you can handle, and when you know you have reached your capacity. Going over the line or over capacity leads to resentment, frustration, burnout, feeling disrespected, and a multitude of other generally bad feelings towards our work, our clients, our families, and even ourselves.

When we clarify our limits, communicate our boundaries, and practice protecting them, we also protect ourselves from all that comes with living an over-capacity life.

For too long, our society has honored overworking and overcommitment. We glorify moms who don’t sleep because they sacrifice day in and day out their kids. We honor business owners who ignore their families and personal needs to get that 6 or 7 figure success.

I can understand why you would feel exhausted, anxious, depressed, frustrated, confused, or just plain burnt out. It’s grueling grind. Not to mention, the moment you find time and space for you, there’s a little voice in the back of your head saying “doesn’t your child need you right now?” or “a good mom doesn’t need a break from being a mom.”

There is a way out of this vicious cycle…establishing and communicating clear boundaries to your spouse, kids, clients, team, and whoever else you make commitments to helps you take control of your time and energy. In time you can better focus your time and energy on what you truly value.

You will squash the feelings of resentment or anxiety you feel about letting people down. If they know you’re at capacity and they try to breach it…that’s a them problem not a you problem. You will also gain back time and energy for doing what you love and nurturing you. Rather than constantly tapping yourself out for the sake of others.

And speaking of others, creating and recognizing your boundaries will help you learn to better respect other people’s boundaries. You’ll improve your relationships because you can ask about their limits and respect their capacity.

What Boundaries Are and Are Not

Before I share my simple steps for creating boundaries without feeling guilty, I want to address some of the resistance I hear from my community to setting boundaries.

  1. Setting boundaries is NOT ignoring people or causes you care about. But setting boundaries is about focusing your time and aligning your energy with what you truly value rather than spreading yourself too thin.
  2. Setting boundaries is NOT cutting yourself off from family, friends, or activities. However, setting boundaries is scaling back so you don’t go too far or run overcapacity.
  3. Setting boundaries is NOT selfishly limiting your options. Setting boundaries is making time and energy choices that align with the values of a healthier, happier mom entrepreneur.

I’m not saying setting boundaries is going to be easy, especially at first. Mom guilt is a beast. Setting boundaries is a skill that takes a bit of practice. But the more you practice, the easier it will become. The more you will see the benefits of protecting your time and energy. And you’ll tame that mom guilt beast with a present, happier mom during her non-work hours.

Creating Boundaries without Mom Guilt

Here is my simple, 3 step approach to start successfully creating and communicating boundaries…

  1. Identify where you need boundary…What gives your anxiety? When does your heart start to flutter? Where do you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”?
  2. Communicate your boundary with the person or people it may affect…This is a super important and often overlooked step. And that can lead to resentment. You know, when you set a boundary but don’t tell anyone. Then they violate it and you get angry. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything. For help with steps one and two, check out episode 81 “How to Communicate Boundaries in Work and Home Life” where I give you an easy exercise to create a personal boundaries statement.
  3. Create positive boundary reminders…Because let’s face it, just because you create a boundary doesn’t mean those guilty feelings are going away. Mom guilt will still nag you. People may try to get to you agree “just this one time” or say “we really need you”. You may feel the urge to backtrack on your boundary after saying “no”. This is where you remind yourself why you put these boundaries in place. Repeat to yourself statement like “It’s OK to set boundaries”. Or “Feeling guilt doesn’t mean I made the wrong decision”. Or “I am not responsible for people’s reactions to my boundaries”. (That’s the one I have to remind myself of regularly.)

Today’s action step to help you create healthy boundaries without mom guilt is to identify where you need a boundary. Then communicate that boundary to the person or people affected. And finally, pre-write some positive boundary reminders for when you feel like you want to break your own rules.  Remember, putting other’s wants and needs first all the time runs you down. Then you, in turn, will turn to others to meet your needs and you could potentially violate their boundaries, either intentionally or unintentionally. Creating healthy boundaries disrupts this cycle.

And if you need help identifying where you need boundaries or communicating your boundaries with your clients or family, I’m here to help. On a free, 15-minute clarity call we can discuss where you feel stuck or spent and how I can help you go from Busy to Blissful as a mompreneur. You can sign up for your free call at bit.ly/bsmbookacall today. I believe you can create strong boundaries and crush your mom guilt.


Ready to experience better mental, physical, and emotional health without sacrificing additional time and energy? Let’s jump on a free, no-obligation 15-minute clarity call to see how I can help you experience more fun & fulfillment in your work and home life.

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR FREE CALL.

Combat working mom guilt - Business Savvy Mama

How to Combat Working Mom Guilt Like a Pro

Let’s chat working mom guilt.

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Mom guilt something that I dealt with since I became a mother. I have always worked since I had my kids. I stayed home for about 14 weeks with my first son. When I went back to work and had three different part-time jobs during the first year of his life. So I totally get the working mom guilt thing.

I’ve developed a couple of strategies because I believe that kids need us. But I also believe there is something to be learned in learning patience or maybe even a little boredom.

Today’s podcast episode helps all you mamas out there feeling like you can’t ever get anything done because the minute you start to write an email or unload the dishwasher, a tiny human starts crying that they need your attention. The tips I share help the mamas who can problem solve for the fits and tears before they happen…and who can work on a healthy mindset about what your child can learn by playing independently.

Up until now, you may have tried asking them to play quietly or told them you needed some space without actually creating a plan for spending quality time either before or after you work.

My tactics may be different from what you’ve tried in the past because they require a bit of pre-planning…both in your work schedule and in your thinking around how you will confront those guilty feelings that creep up when your kids are crying but you need to get work done.

If you implement these steps you will start to create confidence in your kid’s ability to play independently. AND your ability to work (even if it is just for short periods of time). You’ll feel much less of that mom guilt because you are actually building quality time with your kids into your schedule.

Creating a routine around when you work helps everyone know what to expect when mom needs to work. You’ll hear me say this a lot…kids and adults love structure and routine.

Another fun fact, you benefit by getting work done and spending quality time with your kids. Your kids will benefit by spending quality time with you and learning some independent play skills…what’s not to love. Here are three of my strategies for combatting working mom guilt like a pro.

Start with Quality Time

First, start out your work session with some quality time with your child before your quality time for work. This helps to assuage any mom guilt because you know you’ve spent time with your kids. If you’ve got younger kids, start out by having them pick out to short books or an easy game. You’ll read or play with them. Then say “all right, Mommy needs to work now and when we get done we can do something else.”

Spending quality time before takes the working mom guilt off the plate because, ta-da, you already have spent some time with your kids. Start with short activities that might take like 15 or 20 minutes prior to your work session. This will help to tamper those guilty feelings of taking time to do the work that you need to do.

And that “work” doesn’t need to be sitting at a computer and answering emails. That work might be putting away laundry or I’m cleaning the bathroom. You can totally use the same sort of tactic of starting out with intentional time one-on-one time with the kids. And then move into your work, whatever that looks like.

Give Them a Carrot

My next tip is to offer them a carrot…Try saying “if you give me the time I need to get this work done, then we will do something you want to do.” Like we will go on a bike ride. Or we will go to the park. Or we will do something that will take a little bit more time.

This works really well if you have analog clocks in your house. As a professional organizer, I often encouraged my clients to have analog clocks. They really help for kids (and adults) to see the passage of time better. In this instance, you say to them “if you give me till a certain time, we will do something that you want to do.” Then you are able to point to the clock and say “the big hand is on the three. If you give me to work until the big hand is on the 12, we will take a bike ride.

Analog clocks give a visual way to see this passage of time. It helps to know when they’re going to get that thing you are offering them. This tactic can also buy you time for work that you’re doing in your house.

Boredom is Good for Kids

My final tip for tamping down mom guilt while you’re trying to be productive is that boredom is actually good for kids. And I know that that sounds crazy to think about but it actually encourages problem solving and creativity. The idea that you have to be 24/7 available to meet the entertainment needs of your kids just isn’t true. And there are plenty of studies to back this up.

A 2014 study from the University of Michigan observed how kids react to having more options to play with and guided play versus less options and independent play. They found when they gave kids fewer toys and allowed them to play independently, it encouraged problem solving and creativity. Because it forces them to exercise those brain muscles.

And the same is true if you are trying to be productive and get stuff done around your house. Telling kids they need to go figure out for themselves what they want to play with is a great way for them to create those neurological pathways. It allows their brain to be creative and to solve problems. Don’t feel like you have to spoon feed your kids entertainment every single day…Especially if you are trying to be productive.

How will you pre-plan to combat working mom guilt? What are your techniques for creating healthy mindset around working in front of kids? Share below to help a mama who may need your strategy. 😀


Ready to experience better mental, physical, and emotional health without sacrificing additional time and energy? Let’s jump on a free, no-obligation 15-minute clarity call to see how I can help you experience more fun & fulfillment in your work and home life.

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR FREE CALL.