Boundaries & Mom Guilt - Business Savvy Mama Podcast

How to Create Boundaries Without Mom Guilt

by with No Comment Business Savvy Mama Podcast

Mom guilt wreaks havoc on the mindset of mompreneurs…

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Ever put boundaries in place to protect your time and energy only to find that stupid mom guilt rears its ugly head and wrecks your plans? Yeah, me too. That’s why today we are discussing how you can create strong boundaries and ditch the mom guilt.

Do you ever say “yes” then resent saying “yes” because it means you’re making a sacrifice? Feel like you’re always doing but never for yourself? Would you like to feel like you control your schedule? Enjoy the activities you participate in? Or want to spend time with family instead of feeling like it’s out of obligation? Then you need to create some boundaries. And we’re going to talk about how you can do it without feeling mom guilt. Or wife guilt. Or any number of other guilts you feel when you put yourself first.

Establishing clear boundaries allows you to identify and communicate where you draw the line, how much you can handle, and when you know you have reached your capacity. Going over the line or over capacity leads to resentment, frustration, burnout, feeling disrespected, and a multitude of other generally bad feelings towards our work, our clients, our families, and even ourselves.

When we clarify our limits, communicate our boundaries, and practice protecting them, we also protect ourselves from all that comes with living an over-capacity life.

For too long, our society has honored overworking and overcommitment. We glorify moms who don’t sleep because they sacrifice day in and day out their kids. We honor business owners who ignore their families and personal needs to get that 6 or 7 figure success.

I can understand why you would feel exhausted, anxious, depressed, frustrated, confused, or just plain burnt out. It’s grueling grind. Not to mention, the moment you find time and space for you, there’s a little voice in the back of your head saying “doesn’t your child need you right now?” or “a good mom doesn’t need a break from being a mom.”

There is a way out of this vicious cycle…establishing and communicating clear boundaries to your spouse, kids, clients, team, and whoever else you make commitments to helps you take control of your time and energy. In time you can better focus your time and energy on what you truly value.

You will squash the feelings of resentment or anxiety you feel about letting people down. If they know you’re at capacity and they try to breach it…that’s a them problem not a you problem. You will also gain back time and energy for doing what you love and nurturing you. Rather than constantly tapping yourself out for the sake of others.

And speaking of others, creating and recognizing your boundaries will help you learn to better respect other people’s boundaries. You’ll improve your relationships because you can ask about their limits and respect their capacity.

What Boundaries Are and Are Not

Before I share my simple steps for creating boundaries without feeling guilty, I want to address some of the resistance I hear from my community to setting boundaries.

  1. Setting boundaries is NOT ignoring people or causes you care about. But setting boundaries is about focusing your time and aligning your energy with what you truly value rather than spreading yourself too thin.
  2. Setting boundaries is NOT cutting yourself off from family, friends, or activities. However, setting boundaries is scaling back so you don’t go too far or run overcapacity.
  3. Setting boundaries is NOT selfishly limiting your options. Setting boundaries is making time and energy choices that align with the values of a healthier, happier mom entrepreneur.

I’m not saying setting boundaries is going to be easy, especially at first. Mom guilt is a beast. Setting boundaries is a skill that takes a bit of practice. But the more you practice, the easier it will become. The more you will see the benefits of protecting your time and energy. And you’ll tame that mom guilt beast with a present, happier mom during her non-work hours.

Creating Boundaries without Mom Guilt

Here is my simple, 3 step approach to start successfully creating and communicating boundaries…

  1. Identify where you need boundary…What gives your anxiety? When does your heart start to flutter? Where do you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”?
  2. Communicate your boundary with the person or people it may affect…This is a super important and often overlooked step. And that can lead to resentment. You know, when you set a boundary but don’t tell anyone. Then they violate it and you get angry. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything. For help with steps one and two, check out episode 81 “How to Communicate Boundaries in Work and Home Life” where I give you an easy exercise to create a personal boundaries statement.
  3. Create positive boundary reminders…Because let’s face it, just because you create a boundary doesn’t mean those guilty feelings are going away. Mom guilt will still nag you. People may try to get to you agree “just this one time” or say “we really need you”. You may feel the urge to backtrack on your boundary after saying “no”. This is where you remind yourself why you put these boundaries in place. Repeat to yourself statement like “It’s OK to set boundaries”. Or “Feeling guilt doesn’t mean I made the wrong decision”. Or “I am not responsible for people’s reactions to my boundaries”. (That’s the one I have to remind myself of regularly.)

Today’s action step to help you create healthy boundaries without mom guilt is to identify where you need a boundary. Then communicate that boundary to the person or people affected. And finally, pre-write some positive boundary reminders for when you feel like you want to break your own rules.  Remember, putting other’s wants and needs first all the time runs you down. Then you, in turn, will turn to others to meet your needs and you could potentially violate their boundaries, either intentionally or unintentionally. Creating healthy boundaries disrupts this cycle.

And if you need help identifying where you need boundaries or communicating your boundaries with your clients or family, I’m here to help. On a free, 15-minute clarity call we can discuss where you feel stuck or spent and how I can help you go from Busy to Blissful as a mompreneur. You can sign up for your free call at bit.ly/bsmbookacall today. I believe you can create strong boundaries and crush your mom guilt.

Need additional support in creating your best mompreneur life? Want to create a solid and simple plan to get your work done and have fun? Let’s jump on a free, no-obligation 15-minute call to see how I can help you feel more fun & fulfilled in your work and home life.

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR FREE CALL.

If Life Gets In the Way Plan - Business Savvy Mama Podcast

How to Create Your “If Life Gets In the Way” Plan

by with No Comment Business Savvy Mama Podcast

Do you have a plan “if life gets in the way”?

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My sister recently broke her leg after falling off a ladder. The injury brought life in her busy family with four kids to a screeching halt. And it got me thinking…whether it’s the upcoming holidays or a family emergency, do you have a plan for your business “if life gets in the way”?

I think as business owners, we often think “I can’t take time off for the holidays”. Or “keeping my fingers crossed my kids don’t get sick”. But the fact is you can take time off. And you don’t have to fear stepping away from your business in case of emergency. All it takes is what I’m calling an “if life gets in the way” plan.

Creating this plan helps you identify what actually MUST be done if there is an emergency. Or if you’d like to take time off. It solves the problem of feeling stressed before you go on vacation because you know what to focus on. And after because there is less playing catch up. It helps you identify tasks to delegate if your kid gets sick. Or you need to take time away to help your sister with her 4 kids when she’s shattered her tibia.

Can you take some time to identify those priority tasks that will keep you afloat or that are absolutely necessary? Then you can create a plan in case of emergency. Or in case of vacation. Or in case of the holidays.

If you haven’t previously identified your priorities, you may have just ignored your work if an emergency arose. This could lead to stress of playing catch up when you return to it. Or you might stress yourself out getting all your ducks in a row before a vacation. And then you miss the first few days of relaxation trying to un-wind what you wound up the week before.

Right now, you might be looking at the holiday season and think “there’s no way I can take any time off”. Or “I’m afraid if I pull back I will lose momentum”. When it comes to thinking about someone in your family getting sick or injured, do you think “I’ll just cross that bridge when I come to it”? But the holidays are stressful enough. Living during a pandemic is stressful enough. Don’t add to your stress levels when you could prevent that stress with a little extra planning now.

Creating your “if life gets in the way” plan helps you stay present during your vacation. And lessen the stress when emergencies arise. And who wouldn’t want to enjoy vacations more? Or lessen the stress in case of emergency?

As you create this plan, you will start to see where you need to focus your time and energy. Whether you are prepping for time off or simply your regular workweek.

And you’ll be able to be that friend or family member who can swoop in to help at a moment’s notice. Along with staying more present during the time off with your family. You’ve create the piece of mind that what is necessary is complete so you can sit back and enjoy. Or help.

3 Steps to Create Your “If Life Gets In the Way” Plan

If this sounds like something you’d like to incorporate ASAP, I’ve got 3 super simple steps to make creating you “if life gets in the way” plan.

  1. What MUST Completed? – First, you must determine your priorities. I know, broken record, right? But this is why it is so absolutely crucial that you figure out what must be done on your daily and weekly to-do list in order to keep your business afloat, continue to serve and grow your community, and move you toward your goals. If you aren’t sure what your priority tasks might be, pick up my FREE Priority Recipe here.
  2. Eliminate the Unnecessary – Once you’re determined the priority tasks, identify what can go in case of emergency or if you are taking time off. We all have “fluff” on our to-do list. Or tasks that are great but not necessary. Those are the tasks we can let go of when we need the time off. You can always add them back in later. Or maybe you’ll find you didn’t need them anyway.
  3. Delegate What You Don’t Finish – After we’ve decided what we must do and what we can eliminate, figure out if there are tasks you can delegate. Delegating could mean hiring someone to post on social media. Or scheduling your posts for that week. (Delegating to technology is still delegating). Depending on how much time you need or want to take off, there may not necessarily be a ton of tasks that need your hand. But if it is something to complete and it doesn’t require your specific expertise, pass it off to a VA, team member, or an automated system.

Ready to start creating your “if life gets in the way” plan of action? Be sure to grab Your Priority Recipe to set your priority tasks. Then eliminate anything that isn’t absolutely necessary during the time you need off. And figure out the tasks to delegate that don’t need your specific expertise. I want you to feel comfortable taking time off whether for pleasure or emergencies. If you’re struggling to figure out your plan, drop a comment below. Or reach out to me via DM on Instagram or Facebook. Just search for Business Savvy Mama.

Need additional support in creating your best mompreneur life? Want to create a solid and simple plan to get your work done and have fun? Let’s jump on a free, no-obligation 15-minute call to see how I can help you feel more fun & fulfilled in your work and home life.

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR FREE CALL.

Combat working mom guilt - Business Savvy Mama

How to Combat Working Mom Guilt Like a Pro

by with No Comment Business Savvy Mama Podcast

Let’s chat working mom guilt.

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Mom guilt something that I dealt with since I became a mother. I have always worked since I had my kids. I stayed home for about 14 weeks with my first son. When I went back to work and had three different part-time jobs during the first year of his life. So I totally get the working mom guilt thing.

I’ve developed a couple of strategies because I believe that kids need us. But I also believe there is something to be learned in learning patience or maybe even a little boredom.

Today’s podcast episode helps all you mamas out there feeling like you can’t ever get anything done because the minute you start to write an email or unload the dishwasher, a tiny human starts crying that they need your attention. The tips I share help the mamas who can problem solve for the fits and tears before they happen…and who can work on a healthy mindset about what your child can learn by playing independently.

Up until now, you may have tried asking them to play quietly or told them you needed some space without actually creating a plan for spending quality time either before or after you work.

My tactics may be different from what you’ve tried in the past because they require a bit of pre-planning…both in your work schedule and in your thinking around how you will confront those guilty feelings that creep up when your kids are crying but you need to get work done.

If you implement these steps you will start to create confidence in your kid’s ability to play independently. AND your ability to work (even if it is just for short periods of time). You’ll feel much less of that mom guilt because you are actually building quality time with your kids into your schedule.

Creating a routine around when you work helps everyone know what to expect when mom needs to work. You’ll hear me say this a lot…kids and adults love structure and routine.

Another fun fact, you benefit by getting work done and spending quality time with your kids. Your kids will benefit by spending quality time with you and learning some independent play skills…what’s not to love. Here are three of my strategies for combatting working mom guilt like a pro.

Start with Quality Time

First, start out your work session with some quality time with your child before your quality time for work. This helps to assuage any mom guilt because you know you’ve spent time with your kids. If you’ve got younger kids, start out by having them pick out to short books or an easy game. You’ll read or play with them. Then say “all right, Mommy needs to work now and when we get done we can do something else.”

Spending quality time before takes the working mom guilt off the plate because, ta-da, you already have spent some time with your kids. Start with short activities that might take like 15 or 20 minutes prior to your work session. This will help to tamper those guilty feelings of taking time to do the work that you need to do.

And that “work” doesn’t need to be sitting at a computer and answering emails. That work might be putting away laundry or I’m cleaning the bathroom. You can totally use the same sort of tactic of starting out with intentional time one-on-one time with the kids. And then move into your work, whatever that looks like.

Give Them a Carrot

My next tip is to offer them a carrot…Try saying “if you give me the time I need to get this work done, then we will do something you want to do.” Like we will go on a bike ride. Or we will go to the park. Or we will do something that will take a little bit more time.

This works really well if you have analog clocks in your house. As a professional organizer, I often encouraged my clients to have analog clocks. They really help for kids (and adults) to see the passage of time better. In this instance, you say to them “if you give me till a certain time, we will do something that you want to do.” Then you are able to point to the clock and say “the big hand is on the three. If you give me to work until the big hand is on the 12, we will take a bike ride.

Analog clocks give a visual way to see this passage of time. It helps to know when they’re going to get that thing you are offering them. This tactic can also buy you time for work that you’re doing in your house.

Boredom is Good for Kids

My final tip for tamping down mom guilt while you’re trying to be productive is that boredom is actually good for kids. And I know that that sounds crazy to think about but it actually encourages problem solving and creativity. The idea that you have to be 24/7 available to meet the entertainment needs of your kids just isn’t true. And there are plenty of studies to back this up.

A 2014 study from the University of Michigan observed how kids react to having more options to play with and guided play versus less options and independent play. They found when they gave kids fewer toys and allowed them to play independently, it encouraged problem solving and creativity. Because it forces them to exercise those brain muscles.

And the same is true if you are trying to be productive and get stuff done around your house. Telling kids they need to go figure out for themselves what they want to play with is a great way for them to create those neurological pathways. It allows their brain to be creative and to solve problems. Don’t feel like you have to spoon feed your kids entertainment every single day…Especially if you are trying to be productive.

How will you pre-plan to combat working mom guilt? What are your techniques for creating healthy mindset around working in front of kids? Share below to help a mama who may need your strategy. 😀

Need additional support in creating your best mompreneur life? Want to create a solid and simple plan to get your work done and have fun? Let’s jump on a free, no-obligation 15-minute call to see how I can help you feel more fun & fulfilled in your work and home life.

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR FREE CALL.

Working Mom Mindset - Mom Guilt

How to Stop Mom Guilt Before It Starts

by with No Comment Working Mom Mindset

Let’s stop mom guilt before it starts.

Mom guilt is real. Like for real, real. But recently I started to reframe this working mom guilt I had in a more positive light. I can tell you that my husband does not feel guilty about working. So why should I feel guilty about setting aside time to work on my business or work with clients when my kids are around? That’s why I created these strategies to stop mom guilt before it starts.

These strategies prompted me to explore reasons why I love the idea that my kids see me working from home. You can watch or read below…

1. I want them to see an entrepreneur

My kids know I wake up early. They see me working on my laptop when they sneak out of their beds at night. They know I work hard at my business because they see it day in and day out. But they also see that my dedication pays off. I love that they can see the return on my investment in hard work. And that when they grow up, if they have an idea for a business, hard work and dedication can lead them to their own successful business doing something they love.

2. Every day is “Take Your Kids to Work” day

It’s not just one day a year that they get to see what I do or learn about the different aspects of my job. It’s nearly every day. I can teach them about editing podcasts or videos. We talk about how marketing works (and why we won’t let it work to buy that toy they want. 🤣) I demonstrate time management (some days better than others) because I have “work” hours and “family” hours. Every time I work in front of my kids is a chance to teach them a skill they could use in the future or inspire them to learn more.

3. It teaches them patience

As a work from home entrepreneur, there are times when mama’s just gotta work. I can’t settle every little argument or drop everything to play race cars. And that’s ok. I make time for these things. I’m more intentional with the time I spend with them because I focus on being present during “family time”. Teaching them to wait or hold on has had great benefits. They can entertain themselves like no other 6 and 8-year old I know. They know if I say “when the big hand gets to the top, we’ll go to the park” that I am true to my word. Trust me, there is no accountability like a 6-year-old who knows there’s a park visit in his future. They learn to give me space, respect my work hours, and we enjoy our time together when mommy’s work is done.

Do you struggle with mom guilt? Do you have a strategy for stop mom guilt before it starts? I’d love to hear more about how you balance working mom life with family mom life in the comments below.

Need additional support in creating your best mompreneur life? Want to create a solid and simple plan to get your work done and have fun? Let’s jump on a free, no-obligation 15-minute call to see how I can help you feel more fun & fulfilled in your work and home life.

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR FREE CALL.